Pardon me, but I must tell you. I’ve become a financial wizard and prophet overnight. An economic miracle is about to happen and Grantham (would you believe?) as a safe Conservative seat, will be an integral part of it.
Between now and the 2015 General Election our worthy Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, will be able to reveal that the recession is over and growth is gathering pace at a considerable speed.
Just in time for voters to put their crosses in the appropriate place on the ballot papers.
Won’t it be marvellous! All those financial black holes will suddenly be filled by philanthropic entrepreneurs. Bankers will all be willing and able to lend money again, much to the delight of the entrepreneurs whose philanthropy doesn’t stretch to actually using their own money. All the big companies will be announcing fantastic turnaround profits and everything will be so right with the world that we shall all be throwing our hats into the air and shouting: ‘By George? He’s done it! Let’s give him another term in office!’
From then on the sky will always be blue, apart from a few poverty-stricken clouds and pink elephants floating about, while South Kesteven District Council’s controversial business and growth plans will suddenly become the flavour of the day both locally and at Westminster. This will also result in High Street, Westgate wide and narrow, and the ‘concrete desert’ redeveloped Market Place blossoming again like cowslips and poppies in one of Nick Boles’ Green Belt ‘boring fields eyesores’.
As for New Labour, no one will want to know them anymore. Didn’t they cause the global monetary crisis in the first place with their irresponsible spending on such necessities as hospitals, schools, roads, care for the elderly and infirm, and the like?
Come on Tories! Ditch the Liberals! Get out of Europe and go for it!
How do I know all this? Naturally ‘Saint George of England’ will tell us that this economic miracle could not have been brought about without the deficit-shrinking austerity which had to be inflicted on the poor, so he was right all along. But my magical powers tell me this has all been in the pipeline from the very start.
Austerity will, of course, have to increase even more if the rich are to continue to live in the manner to which they have become accustomed. But I can reveal that he won’t tell us that until after the election.
Welham Street, Grantham