It’s cheap, but it ain’t cheerful

Goose at the Bank, Grantham. Suzie's meal is mostly untouched.
Goose at the Bank, Grantham. Suzie's meal is mostly untouched.
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AFTER a Twitter tip-off that all was not well in the kitchen at the Goose at the Bank in High Street, Grantham, we sent chief reporter Marie Baker and reporter Suzie Pike to check it out . . .

YUCK. That’s the only word to describe the culinary horror show that was today’s lunch, writes Marie Baker.

I knew when I walked through the door of the Goose at the Bank not to expect much, but I wasn’t expecting to leave feeling quite so disappointed - and with such a greasy taste in my mouth.

To be fair, the food wasn’t the worst thing about the visit to the town centre pub - it was the HOUR-LONG wait for it to appear. And then the excuse given as to why.

After 50 minutes I thought ‘enough is enough’ and went to complain to the two pleasant staff members behind the bar. They very politely explained that the “poor old lady” in the kitchen was on her own. And not only that, but the computer system used to whizz diners’ orders to the kitchen takes 15-20 minutes. What? Isn’t technology supposed to improve efficiency? I’d have walked through and given her my order myself if I’d known.

When it finally arrived, with apologies from the waitress, it looked perfectly fine. I had ordered the Philly steak burger, which came with chips.

But in reality, the chips were cheap and nasty, the bun dry, the steak burnt, the onion chutney barely there and the mozzarella cheese missing altogether.

Fed up, I munched my way through the chips but couldn’t stomach any more of the burger, halfway through.

I wasn’t going to order a dessert, but I take my investigative work very seriously - and the fact that it was likely ordered in and simply defrosted helped rather a lot.

So chocolate orange cheesecake it was, and very nice it was too. However, clearly it had been left on the side to defrost because the centre was cold but the top was warm - detracting from my enjoyment considerably.

And to top all this off, my lemonade tasted funny.

So to conclude . . . #bleurgh

l I’m afraid I can’t offer a more positive view than Marie’s, writes Suzie Pike.

When I ordered the food the friendly bar staff were discussing an inspection that was going on in the kitchen by the chain’s owners, Stonegate Pubs. Apparently the staff were being told that they needed to get the food out of the kitchen quicker, which they thought would lead to worse quality.

Now I agree that the food needs to be out quicker, but worse quality? Really?

Luckily I wasn’t that hungry when we first arrived but after an hour wait I was certainly ready for my food. I ordered the fisherman’s plate - there isn’t a huge choice for veggies so I felt lucky that I eat fish.

This dish was pictured on the menu and it looked tasty. Unfortunately, what landed in front of me was far from that.

The piece of fish in the photo was replaced with goujon-type things that only tasted of batter and had unappetising black lines on them. The scampi was breadcrumb coating filled with what can only be described as grey mush and there were no butterfly prawns. This apparently caused the delay as the cook had to check stock levels before replacing the prawns with . . . more scampi.

The chips and peas were all right so at least I managed to eat something.

Deciding it couldn’t get worse - we are risk takers after all - we opted to try a dessert and I’m glad we did.

I ordered warm chocolate fudge cake, which came with ice cream. I was told there would be a 15-minute wait. About 25 minutes later the biggest piece of cake arrived, and it was absolutely lovely. I tried to finish it but failed miserably.

On the plus side the meal was cheap, costing around £16 for two with a drink each, but I’m sorry to say the taste was cheaper.

Review by Marie Baker and Suzie Pike